Giant Bpwn News

[BREAKING] Giant Bpwn Owner Caught In Sex Scandal
A night of celebration has sobering consequences.
By Aya Shameimaru | April 2, 2012



"Caught in the Act!"


Hot off the worldwide launch of his new media empire, GiantBpwn.net, CEO Bpwner was in high gear celebrating last night, taking a tour of the town with several of his closest friends. They eventually landed at the highly exclusive Nightclub Sparrow, where things really heated up. It was here that Bpwner split from his friends, leaving the bar in the arms of none other than Deva of the Mountain herself, Yuugi Hoshiguma. I caught up with another patron of the club to ask what she saw that night.

"Yeah, I was there last night, just watching from the corner. At about 10 o'clock this group of weirdos none of us had ever seen before came in and started causing a huge ruckus. They were totally smashed or something, it was so annoying! But then out of nowhere Yuugi walks up to them, and not five minutes later, she and that little guy walk out together, leaving the rest of the group behind. I couldn't believe it! I was so jealous! I mean, what does she see in a scrawny little wimp like that anyways, just because he has some money, that's good enough? Unbelievable!"

Sensing a scoop was afoot, this intrepid reporter tailed the pair back to Yuugi's apartment, and camped out in the bushes listening. A short time later though, I heard screams coming from inside the building. Not wanting to be reporting on a homicide that night, I burst inside, only to find Ms. Hoshiguma and Bpwner in the throes of passion. Despite my sudden entrance, the two were causing such a ruckus that they didn't even notice me. I decided the best course of action would be to exit gracefully, after snapping a few photographs, of course.

I caught up with Bpwner this morning and explained the situation to him, and showed him the photographs. He had this to say in his defense.

"Look, this is all just a huge misunderstanding. I was out having a good time, got a little tipsy, and did some things I shouldn't have. I had no idea idea I was in that part of town, you know? If I had known she was a Touhou, this wouldn't never happened."

Let's hope it never does again.

Filed under: Touhou, Bpwner, Yuugi? Seriously?