Giant Bpwn News

[BREAKING] Not So Exciting News From Your Friends At Giant Bpwn
It's not all bad news... Ok, actually, a lot of it is bad news.
By Aya Shameimaru | April 7, 2012

We've got our eye on you, Bpwner.

Some of you may be wondering what's with the sensationalist headline and why Polly isn't the one writing this. Well, things are getting really chaotic here right now and I'm posting this from her workstation after having had the good sense to get her out of here before the whole thing comes crashing down.

Giant Bpwn readers, I'm sorry to say that the future of your website is in immediate jeopardy. While I was out and about yesterday on my usual round of gathering information from my usual sources for scoops and other juicy tidbits, I happened across an old colleague of mine who works at CBS Interactive. I had mentioned my brief stint at working here for Giant Bpwn and he laughed saying, "Giant Bpwn? Really? That site we're about to completely and utterly sue out of existence?"

Perplexed, I dug deeper for more information, and as it turns out, almost everything about Giant Bpwn is a sham and a direct rip off of one of CBS Interactive's own websites, Giant Bomb. You don't need glasses to see the glaring similarities.

When I asked her to elaborate further she stated, "Yeah, we thought this was just some big April Fool's joke, but now that it's been going on for an entire week we know these guys are serious, and we have to take action to protect our intellectual properties. And really, I think we all just want the Final Fantasy articles to come back."

My immediate reporter's sense told me to track down Giant Bpwn's owner, Bpwner, for a comment on the situation, but after last week's little incident, I felt he would be less than inclined to give me a statement. So, not being one to lose a scoop, I did some further investigative work on my own.

This is where everything about Giant Bpwn turns sour, folks.

I dug into Bpwner's financial records and it turns out that he's not quite multimillionaire playboy he wants everybody to believe. In fact, his checking account only has $216.97 in it! A pittance for someone who claims to be as rich as this guy does. There's absolutely no way he can afford to fight the legal battle he's got on his hands here.

Furthermore, the offices currently occupied by Giant Bpwn staff? Never paid for. It's an abandoned office building that Bpwner apparently found and decided to move into hoping that nobody would notice.

I'm sorry to be the one to have to break this to everybody, but Giant Bpwn's future isn't looking so good. I'll be making further efforts to get into contact with Bpwner, but for now I've got to run. Some rather imposing gentlemen wearing suits just strolled by and I don't want to be here for the crossfire.

[BPWNER UPDATE]: How the hell did you get back in here?

Filed under: The End Of Giant Bpwn?